Almanac of Existential Questions: 500+ Questions to Know Yourself

The constant of my journey has always been questions.

Asking questions helps us travel inside ourselves, questions make us explore worlds, give us awareness and help us understand who we are.

As physicist Isidor Isaac Rabi says on the importance of good questions (and good mothers):

“My mother made me a scientist without ever intending to do so.

Every other Jewish mother in Brooklyn would ask her son after school, 'Well? Did you learn anything today?' But not my mother.

"Izzy," she would say, "Did you ask a good question today?" That difference - asking good questions - made me a scientist."

It's really amazing how much you can learn from sincere, direct and thoughtful questions.

Also consider that questions have superpowers, in fact they are perceptual inputs.

In other words, questions change the perception of the world around us, direct our attention to certain elements instead of others and are the foundation of thinking: Precisely because to think effectively you need to be excellent question inquirers.

And that's not all, the really crazy thing, you know what? That you don't need the right answer to start asking yourself questions.

You can start by asking just one question. Simply asking: "How can I be a better friend?" or "How can I be a healthier person?" will elicit answers naturally.

In the beginning just repeat the question.

As professor and author Neil Postman says about the value of questions:

"Once you have learned to ask questions - pertinent, appropriate, and substantial questions - you have learned to learn, and no one can stop you from learning everything you want or need to know."

I have a question mark tattooed on my right middle finger: It is an extraordinary memento that helps me bring questions into my daily life and gives me clarity when I get lost in the existential labyrinths that I create.

In accordance with the importance of this thesis, on this page, I wanted to create a real almanac of existential questions.

It is a collector of over 500 questions that contains all the questions that I ask myself daily and that have helped me on my journey.

I recommend you save it in your favorites because it will be a resource that I will update over time by adding more questions that I will encounter during my journey.

Questions to explore your inner world

I use them before meditating. When I want to talk to myself. When I want to hear what the deepest part of me has to say to me.

What is happening inside me right now?
What do I feel? What emotions are visiting me?
Where is my attention going?
What is the first thing I think of when I wake up?
Is my mind creating separation, judgment or attachment? In what way?
Am I exercising control? Why am I doing it? What needs do I have?
At this moment in my life what kind of lack am I trying to fill with my excesses?
What barriers do I have? In what ways am I limiting myself?
What emotions, feelings, or moods am I preventing myself from experiencing?
What kind of people do I want to please? Why? What can I learn about myself from this answer?
What am I actually afraid of? The biggest, deepest fears will begin to reveal themselves. Usually these answers don’t all come out at once. It takes time to get beneath the layers and get to the very root of your fears. Be open to the answers that reveal themselves, perhaps even outside of meditation or other sessions.
Am I observing the situation carefully or am I projecting my feelings onto the situation?
When you feel the urge to wander, ask yourself: Where is my mind going? To the past or the future?
What in me (not in others) is limiting me that I can let go of, to let my essence emerge in love?
Have I actually gotten over the trauma or am I just trying not to think about it?
What sense of identity am I nurturing? What parts of my history no longer serve me? What stories am I tied to that I need to let go of?
How have my bad habits become a crutch that I lean on? What stories do I need to let go of in order to walk freely?
What is wrong with me? (the real answer will always be nothing, but asking this question is a means of exploring the "fake" answer: that is, everything we repudiate about ourselves and believe to be wrong and reconciling it with love and acceptance)
Where does this emotion I am feeling come from?
What do I do when I want something? What do I do when I don’t get something I want? Explore the energy behind each of these behaviors.
If something bothers you, instead of pointing the finger at others, look inward and ask yourself: What does this bother me remind me of? Is there something I haven’t yet accepted about myself or my past? Is there a wound that needs my tender attention? This is an opportunity to grow and move beyond appearances.
Am I pointing the finger to distract myself or others from my insecurities? Am I projecting a weakness of my own onto them? And even if I’m doing neither, am I better than the person I’m criticizing?”

Observe each thought. Always ask yourself: Why am I thinking this?

Questions to pursue happiness and well-being

Often the culture we are educated in makes us lose the beauty of the little things, through these questions I question myself daily and try to understand how it is possible to pursue happiness and well-being while living an extraordinary existence.

Here are the questions:

Do I really want this? Are these goals/desires really mine? Am I trying to please and have approval from others? Do I really want that result or am I chasing an illusory idea of happiness?

«Think about your motivations. Do you want to memorize all the scriptures because it is an amazing feat or do you want the experience of having studied them? In the first case, what interests you is the result. In the second, you are curious about what you could learn from the process». If you don't love the process ask yourself why you want that result.

“In the long run, the people who succeed are the ones who want to live the lifestyle that precedes the results. Stop asking, “What results do I want to have?” Start asking, “What lifestyle do I want to live?” It’s common to want results. It’s rare to want the lifestyle.”

What am I avoiding doing just because the desired outcome would take longer than I’d like?
What is a small, but courageous choice you can make today?
Are things really going badly, or do I just need food, water, and a short break?
Who (or what) do I need to forgive in order to move on and live well?
I know I won’t live long. But I ask myself, is that sad? Is a party better because it lasts longer? And my life is a party, a short, intense celebration.
Being silent for long periods of time raises entirely different questions: Who am I when I detach myself from other people?
Why do I need to talk? Why can’t I just be in my thoughts? What can I find in silence that I couldn’t find anywhere else?
What if my impatience was due to the very lack of openness and sharing with the whole world?
We are defined by the narrative we write about ourselves every day. Is it a story of joy, perseverance, love and kindness, or is it a story of guilt, remorse, resentment and failure? Find a new vocabulary that fits the emotions and feelings you want to be accompanied by. Speak to yourself with love.
Happiness is usually something we demand from someone else, but what if it came when we gave it?
Have I ever walked barefoot on the grass? Have I ever closed my eyes in the rain? Have I ever floated on the sea? Have I ever stopped to count the stars in the sky?
Can I stand still, do nothing and breathe deeply for the next two minutes?
What do I enjoy doing? Do I give myself time to do what I enjoy and that makes me feel good?
What is a small pleasure that brings me great joy? Can I enjoy it today?
NBA superstar Michael Jordan asks about insecurity: Why would I think I’ll miss a shot I haven’t taken yet?
Do I allow myself to turn down outside invitations without fear of being alone?
Whose expectations am I trying to meet? My own or someone else's?
Sometimes it benefits us to be passive: to allow life to come to us and unfold without force. Other times it benefits us to be aggressive: to bend the world to our will and actively shape the life we want. Ask yourself: Am I too passive or too aggressive right now?
Do I need the approval of others to feel happy? If so, why? Do I really need it?
Do I feel good about myself? Am I good to myself? Do I appreciate myself? Do I give myself attention and space?
What are 1-2 things that if you do them today, you will go to bed happy?
Who is someone I love to spend time with, but haven't seen recently? Can I reach out to them today?
What is something wonderful in my life that I rarely appreciate as much as I should?
What are the five most fun minutes of my day? And how could I stretch them to ten minutes?
How can I make the next 60 seconds as perfect and present as possible?
What is the biggest non-work related contribution I can make today?
How can I pamper myself? By cooking a meal I love? By listening to my favorite song? By dancing? By playing sports?
What comforting words can I say to myself when I'm sad?
Sometimes you have to go through fire. What fire or pain should I look for in my life so I can learn the lessons from it?
What weights and burdens are keeping me from being happy right now?
How can I overcome this difficulty?
How much do I take care of myself?
How much importance do I give to my inner peace and serenity? And to the health of my body?
Do I ever hug myself?
Do I like the person I'm becoming?
Do I dedicate a little space of time to the things that make me feel good, or that I'm passionate about?
Do I ever stop to observe the sky and its colors? To feel my sensations?
Do I take long walks in nature every now and then?
Am I joking, am I laughing? Do you feel light-hearted?
Do I have nourishing conversations with the people who live next to me? Do I really know them? And do you know me completely?
Do I ever sit in silence and listen to what quietly moves?
Am I enjoying this journey on Earth whose duration is unknown?

_A question not to ask yourself but to ask others: “_Can I do something to help you?” or “How can I support you in this?”. This is a question that goes outside the script and can really make people feel loved, use it spontaneously and genuinely to give your contribution and make a difference.

In conclusion, dear reader, have you ever thought that, perhaps, you just need to do something that makes your heart smile?

Questions to get clarity and understand what to do in life

Getting clarity and understanding what to do in life means choosing which of the infinite possibilities we want to manifest in accordance with who we are and who we want to be.

It is an absolute (and super exciting) delirium that I have been racking my brains over for years. These are the questions that have accompanied my journey:

What do I feel most deeply to explore at this moment in my life?
What pain do I want to experience in life? What am I willing to fight for?
How do I imagine the worst future I can live?
What can I eliminate of who I am today to make room for who I would like to be tomorrow?
What do I enjoy doing so much that the words failure and success become essentially irrelevant?
What is my greatest talent?
How can I serve others in the best way?
How can I do what I love most and get paid for it?
Who are my most inspiring role models?
What is my deepest desire?
When was the last time I felt a sense of wonder and amazement? What can that experience teach me about how to spend my time?
How am I viewed by my best friend; my worst enemy; my boss; my children; my coworkers, etc.?
If someone could only see my actions and not hear my words, what would they say my priorities are?
What is best in the short term? What is best in the long term?
What are the joys in my life?
What would I tell myself from 5 years ago?
What is one of my natural gifts? How can I spend more time using it?
What makes me feel alive?
What 6-month period of my life was the most energizing and fun? What can I learn from this answer?
In 6 months, what do I wish I had spent time on today?
How many times have I felt truly content and appreciated the unfolding of life moment by moment?
What kind of person do I need to become to get where I want to be? Who is the person who can achieve the kind of goal I have set for myself? Specifically, what do you do to achieve it? How do you structure your typical day? What are your desires? What are your passions? How do you interact with people? What do you eat? What do you think about life? What time do you go to sleep? Etc.
What is my definition of freedom?
What is one area you would like to improve in the next decade? How are you working to achieve this result today? Think long term. Act short term.
In what ways can I live today as a game?
How much coherence is there between what I say is important to me and how I have directed my attention in the last month?
When I spend time with this person or group, do I feel like I am moving closer to or further away from the person I want to be?
What do my actions bring me closer to?
This time next year, what will you be grateful for having spent time on during the next 12 months?
Can my current habits lead me to my desired future?
Which of my current habits serve me the most? Which serve me the least?
What should you do more of in this decade? What should I do without?
Am I happy with the compromises I’m making in my life right now?
Am I “climbing” the right mountain?
In what ways, specifically, do I want my life to be better this time next year?
What do I really wish I had the courage to do? How can I take the first step in the next 5 minutes?
Over the past 10 years, what has become more important to me? What has become less important?
What am I holding on to that I need to let go of this year?
What is one thing I’m most excited to do today?
Am I proud of what I’ve chosen to do?
People will tell stories about you at your funeral, ask yourself: What chapter do I write today?
Suppose there was more than one path to your ideal life. What would some of the alternative paths look like?
If you can't figure out what kind of work you enjoy, pay attention to what's easy to focus on and energizes you versus what makes you feel drained: What's easy to focus on?
What career would I realistically pursue if I wanted more money?

What career would I realistically pursue if I wanted the most impact?

What career would I realistically pursue if I wanted the most fun?

Which career offers the best mix?

Questions for more clarity about work

For these a special thanks to James Clear

Am I effective or just busy?
What's the biggest opportunity I could pursue in the next 5 minutes?
If I were forced to work only one hour a day, what would I work on during that hour to be more effective?
Think about the end result you hope to achieve and ask yourself: Is there a path to this goal where I would encounter less resistance?
In what contexts am I a difficult person to work with? What can I learn from this?
What kind of work gives you the most happiness? What kind of work gives you the most meaning? Are they the same or different?
Who can I collaborate with to make this easier?
How can I prepare carefully, but execute quickly?
Constantly ask: What is the real goal here and is there a better way to achieve it?
Which projects give me energy? Which projects take it away from me? Which people give me energy? Which people take it away from me?
What feels productive in the moment but usually ends up wasting time and energy?
Simple question to find work you love: What do you enjoy honing? (These are the areas you can’t help but tweak and optimize, the ones where you have a long-term advantage)
What can I work on today that will continue to work years from now?
What’s the little extra work that adds up to a huge benefit?
Is there a better way to do this? Is there a kinder way?
What is a recurring problem that you can automate or eliminate today?
Imagine the most important goal or project you are working on right now. Fast forward six months. Imagine that project failed. Why did you fail?
A simple question that can yield powerful results if taken seriously: What is the highest leverage action I can take right now?
If I don't work on important problems, how can I expect to do important work? (This question got me fired from a previous job)
What could be improved? What could be removed?
What is one action that would make today a success?
What is the most likely cause of failure? Before it happens, how can I prevent it? If it does, how can I recover?
Write down all the projects you are working on right now and ask yourself: What is the one thing that, if I had the courage to eliminate it entirely, would make all the other things easier?
What are the important problems in my field? And if I'm not working on them, why not?
What is one thing you can accomplish today that would make today a success?
Am I engaging with this project or am I pushing it forward? Am I drawn to this relationship or am I pushing it forward? Some of my best results come when I double down on things that are naturally drawing me in.
If you have a 10-year plan, ask yourself: What is stopping me from doing this in two?
Instead of assuming that others are lazy or disorganized, assume that they are smart and ask yourself: What good can this solution do?
Do I like my job? Do I love my job? Am I good at my job? Do others need and appreciate my work? Is my greatest skill or passion outside of my job? What is it? Do I dream of making it my career? Do I believe it is an achievable dream? Do I believe there are ways to infuse my passion into the work I do?
What is the cost of doing a bad job? How much does it cost to do a mediocre job? How much does it cost to do a great job? What price are you willing to pay?
Here’s a simple question to ask yourself before you jump into all the work you need to do: “What will happen if I don’t do this?” It’s amazing how much you can eliminate from your to-do list.
What do I need to de-prioritize this task?
What do I have planned today to recharge my batteries?
Has it been a productive and fulfilling week? What can you do today to ensure the answer is yes?
To understand the priority of the day, think about the decade: If I want to be on track to achieve x in 10 years, what do I need to do today?

Every time we monks completed an activity or mental exercise like the ones illustrated in this book, we asked ourselves a few questions: What did I like about this activity? Am I good at it? Do I want to read and learn about it and spend a good portion of my time doing it? Am I driven to improve? What made me feel comfortable or uncomfortable? If I felt uncomfortable, was it in a good way, like a challenge that made me grow, or was it in a bad way?

Questions to develop critical thinking

Critical thinking is a kind of superpower that allows the value of doubt, the principles of philosophy and free thinking to manifest themselves.

“It may seem like a paradox, but asking a question that begins with “why” will not lead you to the WHY. In fact, questions that begin with “why” are emotional and elicit vague or defensive responses. In contrast, a question that begins with “what” elicits thoughtful and precise responses.”

The questions that I carry with me every day to look at reality in the clearest and objective way possible are the following:

What would happen if everything I consider “wrong” were actually “right”?
What is the cost (in terms of effort, suffering and difficulty) that obtaining this result entails?
What should exist? For me, this is the most exciting question imaginable. What do we need that we don’t have?
Who have I not been exposed to that would inspire me if I knew they existed or knew the details of their lives? And how could I know those people?
How do I know that I am not the one who is wrong?” and “What process would I use to leverage these different perspectives in order to make the best decisions?”
If it is true that the environment determines our choices, how can we ourselves change it to make it an ally of our willpower, to facilitate certain behaviors and make others more difficult? How can we build our daily lives to "sell" ourselves the best choices? How can we go from being victims of the environment to becoming architects of our lives? How can I create an environment that naturally produces the desired change? How can we transform our context according to the habit we want to adopt to become a certain type of person?
Why do people think and act this way? What common beliefs are they influenced by? How can I describe the ecosystems in which these minds interact and formulate ideas and theories about reality?
Who do I know who can help me with this? Who can give me the information I am looking for?
What has this situation/event come to tell me? What does it want to teach me? What can I learn?
Say whatever words come to mind and then ask yourself: What does this have to do with me? What does it tell me about myself?
When you are about to do something simply ask yourself: "Is this bringing well-being to me and those around me?"
What is the point of judging when I can understand the why of things?
Do I want to be right or see things as clearly as possible?
When you don't like something/disagree with someone ask yourself: What am I missing to see the world as they see it?
What happens if I slow down? What happens if I speed up?
Pay attention to the reactions you have in response to external events and ask yourself: What should I have known? What do I need to learn? What didn't I know how to answer? What do I need now? What drove me to act this way? And to what end?
Does living in the present mean stopping thinking? Let's think about it: Why should I stop thinking if I came into the world equipped with a thinking mind?
Why do I react instinctively to criticism and judgment from others? When did it become normal to give others the power to build me up with praise and tear me down with criticism?
How much time do I spend questioning my beliefs and exposing myself to points of view that are different from my own? How do I know if my beliefs are wrong? How long have I believed what I believe?
Who are the people I am surrounded by? Who brings out my best qualities?
Who are the 5 people who have the most influence in my life? Are they a positive or negative influence?
What part of this situation is under my control?
What is the one decision I can make today that will save me from making 10 more decisions in the future? Make the choice that eliminates other choices.
Do I actually need more information or should I just act on the information I already have?
Are my obligations real or imagined?
What behavior does this ecosystem encourage? How can I set things up to make it easier for you to follow good habits?
What am I avoiding just because I know the answer is painful?
What minority of my actions determines the majority of my results?
A simple question for making everyday decisions: Will this save or waste my time in the future?
To analyze a situation from multiple perspectives: What would a 10-year-old say? What would an 80-year-old say?
A simple question that can help you identify the causes of an event: What makes it possible?
Almost everything in life has a useful zone, a desired dose. Ten minutes in the sun can give you energy. Ten hours in the sun can burn you. This concept applies to many things: work, relationships, hobbies, exercise, food. Ask yourself: What is my desired dose? What do I need right now? A little more or a little less?
Am I only seeing this situation with my own eyes? If the answer is yes, then you will know that you are greatly lacking.
Imagine each day was only 12 hours long and ask yourself: What would I cut out?
If we had more free time, what would we be capable of? What insights could we generate?
What if I stopped trying to think the way I was told and started doing things my way?
What is something you believe to be true that no one else agrees with you about?
Listing negative thoughts and comments helps you reflect on where they came from. Am I judging a friend’s appearance, but being equally harsh on my own? Am I nagging about a job without considering my own contribution? Am I sharing a friend’s illness to draw attention to my compassionate attitude, or because I hope to solicit more support for that person?
What would my closest friend tell me to do?
Am I willing to look foolish today so that I can learn something that will make me better tomorrow?
Sometimes we are too hard on ourselves and criticize our mistakes to an unnecessary degree. Sometimes we are too easy on ourselves and let excuses run our lives. Ask yourself: Which way am I leaning right now? How can I bring myself back to center?
Faster: If I had to go from start to finish in half the time, what would I do? Slower: If I could afford to spend twice as much time on this, what would I do?
Some questions to consider before you speak: Does this need to be said? Does this need to be said by me? Does this need to be said by me right now?
Does your reading and research complement your actions or replace them? Research is helpful as long as it doesn’t become a form of procrastination.
How am I complicit in creating the conditions you say you don’t want?
If someone took over your life tomorrow, what’s the first thing you would change?
If you met someone exactly like you… same experience, same resources, same problems… what advice would you give them?
There is usually a block of time each day when you are at your best: Peak energy, peak enthusiasm. Let's say that's 2 hours a day. Ask yourself: How do I spend those 2 hours? Who or what gets my best time?

What is the question that keeps you awake at night and that you would like to find the answer to before you die? The question that I have not yet had the awareness to ask.

In conclusion some of the main drivers of human behavior.. If you want to better understand your behavior analyze the following aspects and ask yourself..

Safety: Does it provide peace of mind or reduce risks? Sex: Does it help me find love or make love? Convenience: Does it save time or energy? Social norms: Does it help me get along with others? Status: Does it improve their standing or help them gain approval?

Questions to simplify your life

I periodically take time to reflect, reorganize and simplify my life.

When I do this, these are the questions that accompany my introspective process:

What is the one thing that, from today, I could stop doing, start doing or do differently to improve the quality of my life?
In which situations am I more spontaneous? Which people, places and activities allow me to be myself?
What would happen if I focused only on what I have in front of me?
If I deeply loved myself, would I let myself live this experience?
Every time you make a decision, ask yourself: “Is this decision an affirmation of who I Am? Does it say what I choose to Be?”
How would an independent person act in my current situation? And what would love do now?
Does the amount of attention I am dedicating to this thing correspond to the actual importance it has?
What do I continue to do out of habit, but no longer serve me?
If I were to die right now, what would I think of my life?
If I knew I only had 3 years to live.. what would I change about my life?
How long will I delay what I am capable of doing, just to continue doing what I am comfortable with?
What are the most likely sources of pain I might experience in the next year? How can I prepare for or prevent them?
Look at each item on your to-do/wish/need list and ask yourself, "Is this really necessary?"
If I know what I want, why am I waiting?
Are the people around me behaving the way I want to act?
Do I really need to plan more, or do I just need to execute to get what I want?
Everyone fails. Professional boxer and world heavyweight champion Joe Louis said, "Everyone has to understand to be beaten a little bit." The question is not that you failed, but did you get up and move on? And here's another little question: did you collaborate in your own defeat? A lot of people do that. Learn not to do that.
What can I remove from my life to make it better?
Will this matter six months from now?
When you're going through a tough time, ask yourself, "What is this trying to teach me?"
How can I get the most out of this situation?
Am I doing this for the present me or the future me?
What is the limiting factor that is keeping me from getting what I want?
What am I holding on to that I need to let go of?
If I continue to live this way, what will my life look like in 20 years?
What is one small thing I could do today that would have a significant impact on my future?
Before you ask, "What do I need to do today?" ask yourself, "What do I need to remove today?" Create the space you need to succeed.
What areas of my life are in maintenance mode? What areas are in growth mode?
How can I achieve my goals as quickly as possible with high quality?
How much of what I did today was simply due to inertia? Never get so busy that you forget to actively design your life.
Has the most important thing changed? Am I chasing an outdated goal?
A question to understand if something is right (useful in moments of anger to regain clarity): “What if everyone did this?”
When a thought comes to mind, ask yourself: Does this fit with the values I have chosen or with those others have chosen for me? Is this dust or is this me?
Momentum is a double-edged sword. It can propel you to new heights or keep you stuck in previous choices and old habits: Where do I have healthy momentum right now? Where do I have unhealthy momentum?
What’s a little thing that’s bugging me, but I haven’t had time to fix? Can I fix it today?
Think about something you’ve struggled with in the past year. Take a step back and ask yourself: What’s the lesson I learned from that experience?
What’s a mistake I seem to repeat every year? What can I do to prevent it this time?
What do I keep coming back to? What is it telling me? What can I learn from it?
If I keep doing what I’m about to do today for the next five years, will I end up with more of what I want or less of what I want?
Instead of asking, “What should I do first?” ask, “What should I let go of first?” Cut, edit, delete. Make room for better performance.
What’s been your favorite time in the past decade? How can you recreate some of that magic in the year ahead?
In what areas would I benefit from setting clearer boundaries?
Am I playing a game worth winning?
What is one lesson I have learned (or relearned) this year?
Think of the best coach, teacher, or leader you have ever had and ask yourself: What can I learn from them? Think of the worst coach, teacher, or leader you have ever had and ask yourself: What can I learn from them?

On Philosophical Questions by Tim Ferris

I am 100% convinced that most of the big questions we feel compelled to answer through centuries of over-reflection and misinterpretation - are so vaguely worded that trying to answer them is a total waste of time.

This is not depressing. It is liberating.

Consider the question of questions: “What is the meaning of life?”

If I were forced to give an answer, it would be: It is the characteristic state or condition of a living organism. "But," my interlocutor would object, "that's not what I meant." What did he mean, then?

Until the question is clear - every term in it must be defined - there is no point in answering.

The question about the "meaning" of "life" cannot be answered without further elaboration.

Before you spend time on a question that causes stress - more or less, make sure that the answer to the following two questions is "yes":

Did I give a single meaning to each term in this question?
Will answering this question make things better?

"What is the meaning of life?" does not satisfy neither the first nor the second condition.

Questions about things that are beyond your sphere of influence, such as "What if the train is late tomorrow?", do not satisfy the second condition and should therefore be ignored. These are not questions worth answering. If you cannot define them and act on them, forget them.

Questions to bring awareness to relationships

Before entering into a relationship ask yourself:

Which part of me is choosing this relationship?
What needs am I reflecting in this person?
What need does this person represent?
How am I with him/her?
What do I desire?
Who do I want to be?
What aspect of being do I want to embody in the relationship?
What function do I give to the relationship? That is, what does being in a relationship mean to me?
Does this relationship support who I want to be? My joy? Does it fuel my light?
Which of my relationships is a win-win? Which of my relationships is one-sided?
What are the fears behind my expectations and reactions? What am I feeling?
How can we create a world for ourselves in which we can meet our own needs and respect the needs of those around us?
Openly, or just energetically, we can ask our partners or friends: In what ways do you feel I am being insensitive or disrespectful to you, or in what ways do you feel I am invading your boundaries?
With friends and colleagues, make a habit of asking yourself: What can I offer first? How can I serve them? Am I a teacher, a peer, or a student?
When you feel neglected, ask yourself: Am I offering help as often as I ask for it? Who is giving me something without receiving anything in return?

To empathize, connect, and care for others by giving presence and attention:

What do they write?
What are their favorite movies?
How do they treat their pets?
What songs do they listen to?
Do they prefer tea or coffee?
Talk to them under the stars: How do you feel about them in that ecosystem?
Do they prefer summer or winter?
How do they act when they are angry?
Do they sleep with the lights off or on?
When they look at the sky, do they look at the moon or the stars first?
Would they prefer to eat alone?
How do they treat those who are "inferior" to them?
How do they approach strangers when they are lost?
Do they like to text rather than call?
How do they act when they are afraid?
Do they like to rewrite notes for a test?
In what situation do their eyes shine the most?
What are the things they say when they are partially drunk?
How do they behave when they are alone and with their friends?
How do they look at the people they love?
What is their favorite thing about themselves?

Questions to analyze traumas and wounds

These questions are extracted from the book “Face to Face with Fear” by psychiatrist Krishnananda, one of the most precious books I have read to help us face traumas, fears, wounds and give in to our vulnerability.

Review the four basic Big Fears:

Fear of pressure and expectations;
Fear of rejection and abandonment;
Fear of not having space, of being misunderstood or ignored;
Fear of abuse or physical or energetic violation.

Consider them all, one at a time, and ask yourself:

Do I have these fears? What causes them in my life today?
What do I remember from the past that might have contributed to these fears?
How do fears affect different aspects of my life - my sexuality, my ability to assert myself, my creativity, my relationships?

Take a moment to feel the sensations that your body transmits:

How do you actually experience this shame?
How do you experience your energy?
What kind of thoughts are going through your mind?
What is your attitude in life right now?

Pay special attention to what makes you feel bad, down and self-critical:

Was it something someone said?
Was it something you did that made you feel guilty or inadequate?
Did you feel rejected by someone?
Did something not go the way you expected?

Looking back at your life:

Can you remember specific times when you felt humiliated?
Is there someone important in your past who criticized you frequently?
Is there someone important in your past to whom you compared yourself?
Is there someone important in your past who physically abused you?
In what way was your life energy (sex, anger, joy, sadness or creativity) repressed?
What was your mother and father's attitude towards life? Towards sex? Towards anger? Towards passion? Towards joy?

Shock:

How does shock affect your life today and what are your unique and peculiar symptoms?
What triggers your shock? What judgments do you have towards yourself regarding your being in a state of shock?

As you explore your history, you can imagine going back to your childhood environment, but with the awareness, resources, strength and understanding of an adult. Then you can ask yourself:

What was shocking for you in your childhood environment?
What was shocking for you about your mother or father?
What circumstances might have shocked you in the primary school environment?
What message did you receive about what was expected of you?

Imagine a recent situation in which you felt deprived or abandoned - a situation in your daily life, with a loved one or even a close friend, where in some way you were not getting what you wanted.

What was the cause of the upset? In what way did you feel deprived or abandoned?
What did you not get that you expected? Sex, communication, openness, energy, money, support, guidance, warmth, contact, sensitivity?
How did you react to the frustration?
What kind of strategies did you use to try to change the other person - blaming, manipulating, revengeful, controlling, complaining, analyzing?
Did you resign yourself? What feelings were lurking underneath - sadness, anger, despair, discouragement?

Expectations:

What are your expectations in moments when you feel disappointed, frustrated or cheated?
What are your expectations when you notice that you are judging something or someone?
What are your expectations when you find yourself blaming or complaining about something or someone?
What are your expectations for sex, communication, being heard, spending time with someone, food, shelter, and time?

Openness and connection:

Are you afraid that you will lose yourself in the other person? Are you afraid that you will no longer know what you want, or that you will no longer be able to feel yourself?
Are you afraid that someone will take advantage of your heart? Are you afraid that if you open your heart the other person will depress you with their pain?
Are you afraid of having to take care of him/her? Do you feel the need for space - space to find yourself, to not be asked for, space to explore your creativity and your silence?
Are you afraid of being suffocated? Are you afraid that you will not be able to breathe if you let someone into your space?
Does it make you angry or angry to hear the other person's expectations - anger because you do not want to live to meet their demands and expectations? Do you feel anger inside you because the other person does not want to take responsibility for their pain?
Are you convinced, on a deep level, that you will never be understood and that if you open up you will be mistreated, manipulated or rejected?
By connecting with your inner child, can you connect to a deep mistrust?
Is your inner child hungry for love and acceptance, but afraid of being betrayed and mistreated?

Identify a key person in your life who scares you in some way. Maybe this person has some power over you, or makes you feel inferior, weak, or inadequate. Now imagine this person is sitting in front of you and answer the following questions:

How does it feel to sit in front of him/her?
What do you feel in your body?
How do you feel about yourself? What happens to your energy? How do you relate to this person? Do you judge yourself and try to change yourself?

Choose the most significant people in your life and imagine them, one at a time, sitting in front of you.

What have you not shared with this person?
Is there something you are avoiding telling them? What is holding you back? Is there any way you feel this person is being insensitive to you?
When you share, find out if anger or protectiveness appears. Notice where in your body this energy is coming from. Is it difficult to stay vulnerable with this person? Why?

Watch closely what you do to distract yourself from the moment.

What is the fear of being present in the moment? What are you avoiding right now? Is what you are doing truly creative, or does it feel more like an attempt to avoid something?
Notice what kind of trigger (rejection, stress, disappointment, fear of failure) is causing you to become addicted. (Once addicted, it can become a habit, the connection between the behavior and what you are avoiding can become obscure.)
Is there fear, anxiety, or insecurity in this moment? How can you nourish yourself in a way that is not addictive?

To delve deeper into our denial and come to accept our needs, it can be helpful to ask ourselves what we are really looking for. Here are some questions that can help:

What is our ideal parent like?
How do we know when we feel safe, loved, perceived and supported?
When do we feel that the other person holds us in his or her heart and that there is room for us there? And how do we feel when we are doing the same for the other?

In conclusion, what are the fears associated with separation and letting go?

I do not aim to give you the answers but the right question marks

A significant part of the self-help world is based on peddling hype instead of solving legitimate problems. Many self-help gurus teach you new forms of denial and cheer you up with exercises that make you feel good in the short term, but ignore the underlying problems. As you may have noticed by reading this guide, you can expect the exact opposite from me.

This blog is the home of my introspective processes, and yet, you should know that inside it I exist but I do not exist. These words placed in antithesis represent one of the most important elements that characterize my vision of the world: Complementarity. Now I'll explain what I mean.

We humans are manifestations of diversity. Opposing parts that coexist within the same shell. Consciousnesses that wander in an ecosystem where order and chaos dialogue. Within this game everything is complementarity.

This is the DNA of the universe: For every thesis there is, or rather coexists, an antithesis. Existing without existing therefore means being without belonging, using without possessing. It is the perfect coexistence between the diversity of the parts.

Specifically, what I want to say is that I exist to communicate ideas, values, concepts but I also want them to be free to be. Free from the limits of my interpretations, free from my own points of view that generated them. I therefore let an idea take shape through my words and, once that is done, I decontextualize my person by estranging myself from the equation.

For this reason I am there but I am not there, I exist but I do not exist. In everything I write I do not aim to give you the answers but the right question marks.

I hope that with this guide (and with all the others that you will find in this blog) you can travel life nourishing the value of doubt, discovery and introspection.

Salvatore.

Existential Question Archive